November being men’s mental health month, there seems to be a lot of awareness going on through the internet. Articles are being written, reports are being brought forward and even activists are making the issue global through awareness campaigns. However, is this enough when there is always a lot of societal criticism against the same issue..?
We have witnessed a lot entertainment buzz going on about men not having to come forward to talk about their issues because it is not manly. We even have men who are preaching the same. Well, contrary to the saying ‘women are their own enemies’.
But do we actually understand the term mental health. We often assume we are well informed about the topic when we stumble upon a poster or a pamphlet.
In a report on mental health by the world health organization in June 2022, mental health is a state of mental wellbeing that enables people to cope with the stresses of life, realize their abilities, learn well and work well, and contribute to the community.
The report goes on further to say mental health is a basic human right and it is crucial to personal, community and socio economic development.
However, men’s state of mental wellbeing is not commonly talked about enough. We have cases of men committing suicide, being depressed or even going mad due to grief. From the young to the elderly, there are a lot of gaps and misinformation on these cases.
Normally when one would cope with life’s stresses by finding a way around a problem. But what actually happens when in the process of finding a way, you are ‘stuck’?
This is the case of Ferdinand Ogutu, a third year student in Chuka University. His mental well-being started to take a turn when he realized he had a problem with fitting in. Having come from a family with strict parents, he obviously had a hard time socializing and making friends.
"My father was strict, in fact he was the most feared man in our neighbourhood. Our compound was out of bounds. He would ensure we were always within his sight, even if it meant locking us in the compound. He took away my childhood. I never knew what it actually meant to have friends. I became an introvert by choice", he explains
Ogutu goes on to say how his high school was a very difficult environment for him as he had to show up and interact with strangers. To do this, he had to take up different personalities and has carried it to campus.
" I have different personalities for different people and occasions. I had to be like this to cope with something called ‘imposter syndrome’. Realizing this, I just want to be a normal person. I don’t want to feel anxious in crowds, I don’t want to be insecure about what I say, the way I look or how I behave. I just want to fit in like the rest but sometimes I am stuck. It feels like I am in a very dark bubble and the outside is light but I can’t even reach for a ray. It is hard. Really hard" he says.
In this context, being stuck is more than what it seems. It is a lonely feeling especially when you do not know how to explain it. It starts with a sudden hit of impostor syndrome. Your mind is constantly commanding negativity and doubt so much that your sub conscious takes up these voices and finally you are living them.
Living in this state of mind drives people into thinking something is wrong, something needs to be changed, something bad is happening. These people exist in their minds. It is hard to get out because one often feels they belong there. One can only imagine how chaotic it feels.
Imposter syndrome is a mental health disorder that is not commonly talked about. It comes with so much insecurity, feelings of not being ‘normal enough’, good enough, struggling to be on track when everything around is falling apart. It is like fighting your own mind.
This sometimes leads to depression because you have attacked yourself so much that even affording optimism is hard, being happy comes with a fear of it being short lived. You are no longer existing for you. You’re constantly living in a web of fears and self- doubt. You are a slave to your own mind. You are just being strung on.
Overcoming this syndrome is possible. Take time and learn from each experience you face. Avoid seeing everything as a battle you have to conquer. You are not a perfectionist, you are just learning. And you deserve it as much as anyone else does.
What men need to understand is that mental health is not biased to the female gender because it is a societal stereotype to think this way. Men are also human beings. They matter. Their silence is felt. In fact it is so loud that it can be heard. They are seen.
To be a man is not about being a hard core. Men can be soft too. It is okay to be vulnerable. Opening up is not for the weak. Communicating your feelings and being heard is brave, however painful it is.
Do not sit around in these dark clouds long enough, do not give in to having an unhealthy mind. Do not waste your life being trapped in a cycle of mental disorders. It is your mind. Control it.
Speak positivity to yourself, appreciate yourself if no one does, be proud of yourself. Celebrate yourself because only you know what and how you’re fighting Just don’t give up on yourself.
The Writer Agatha Nafula is a Third Year Journalism Student at Chuka University
Great work👌