The Silent Weight of ‘Yes’: Reclaiming Your Voice, Your Boundaries, and Your Power

By Derrick Obiye Mokaya

Being a people pleaser is something many of us learn without even realizing it. Maybe it started in childhood, when keeping others happy felt like the safest thing to do. Maybe it came from wanting to be liked, to fit in, or to avoid conflict. Whatever the reason, it can become a habit-one that makes you believe your worth is tied to how much you do for others. But constantly putting yourself last isn’t kindness; its self-neglect.

At first, it doesn’t seem like a problem. You say yes when you want to say no, you push your feelings aside to keep the peace, and you tell yourself you’re being considerate. But over time, it wears you down. You start feeling drained, unappreciated even invisible. And the hardest parts? The more you give, the more people expect. Its not that they are bad people- its just that you have taught them that your needs don’t come first.

But here’s the truth you are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to say no without explaining yourself. You are allowed to disappoint people sometimes. Setting boundaries doesn’t you selfish; it makes you human. And the people who truly care about you will respect that. The ones who only stick around with you, you’re bending over backward for them? They were never really there for you- just for what you could do for them.

Choosing yourself isn’t an act of rejection; its an act of self respect. You are not here to make everyone else comfortable at your own expense. You deserve relationships where love and care flow both ways. Its okay to be kind, but don’t forget-you deserve that kindness, too.

People will always have opinions about you-some good, some bad, some completely untrue. No matter what you do, someone will always have something to say. And if you spend your life trying to fit into everyone’s expectations, you will never truly be yourself. The truth is, how others see you is not always a reflection of who you really are-it’s a reflection of them, their experiences, their judgements, their own insecurities.

It's impossible to control what people think of you, but you can control how much power you give their words. The opinion of others does not determine your worth. You don’t have to shrink yourself to make others comfortable. You don’t have to prove anything to those who misunderstand you. The right people-the ones who truly matter- will see you for who you really are, not just who they assume you to be.

Let go of the need to be liked by everyone. Instead of chasing validation, focus on being true to yourself. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your choices, your actions, and your happiness. So why let someone else’s perception dictate your life? Stay true to your values, embrace who you are, and let people think what they want-because their perception will never change your reality.

The world will always have something to, but you don’t have to listen. Live for you. That’s the only perception that truly matters. Its easy for people to judge from the outside. They see what you post, what you wear, the way you smile-but they don’t see the sleepless nights, the silent battles, the moments of doubt and fear. They don’t see the times you have held yourself together when you wanted to fall apart. The truth is, most people only see the surface. They see what’s visible, what’s easy to notice, but they don’t always understand what’s beneath it.

They don’t know what you’ve overcome. They don’t know the heartbreaks, the disappointments, the sacrifices you’ve made to get where you are. They don’t see how hard you’re trying; how much you carry or how many times you’ve had to push through when everything inside you wanted to give up. And yet, despite all this, some will still judge you, misunderstand you, or assume they know your story without ever taking the time to listen.

But here’s what you need to remember-you don’t owe anyone an explanation. You don’t have to prove your pain, your struggles or your worth to people who only look at the surface. Let them think what they want. Their opinions don’t define you, what defines you is how you keep going, how you keep showing up for yourself, even when no one else sees the effort you put in. what matters is your truth, not their assumptions.

So, stop worrying about what others think. The right people will see you-not just the surface, but the depth of who you truly are. And those who don’t? their judgement was never worth your peace. Keep growing, keep moving forward, and never let shallow perceptions make you doubt the depth of your own journey.